I went to last night’s game, and it was a family affair as it was a Father’s Day gift and we went to the 703 Club, which was an all-inclusive area. So I appropriately took advantage of it and ate everything I could and drank some beverages. Because it was kind of a boring and frustrating game for most of it, there was a debate about staying or going. We stayed thankfully.
But I got home fairly late, and probably a little buzzed, and I just delayed and delayed writing this article, regretting not writing this before I went to the game. I couldn’t really think of what to write, and as it got to be later, I didn’t really want to write anything that would take me too long. Also I got stuck on this one idea, for better or worse.
The phrase “offense where art thou” got stuck in my head, so in the back of my mind, I kept wanting to write a parody of I suppose Romeo and Juliet, but trying to mimic Shakespeare sounded like it would take me about as long as writing a substantial article. I took the next logical step: pick a popular song. And the song I landed on was…. well hopefully you will figure out.
(Verse 1)
Hello there,
The strikeout from my nightmare,
The runner stranded at third without score,
Some sort of purgatory
Of endless scoreless innings,
We can live like Jim and Albert if we want,
Where you can always homer,
And we’ll bat around the order,
And at the game, we’ll wish this never ends,
We’ll wish this never ends
I miss you, miss you
I miss you, I miss you
(Verse 2)
Where are you? And I’m so sorry,
I cannot watch, I cannot hope tonight,
I need some runs and always
This bleak, strange lifeless
Offense flatlines, departing every time,
And as I watched, I dreaded,
The claws from all the lobsters,
Getting hits but never moving once,
Like the popping up to shallow right,
Will you score runs and stop this drought tonight today?
Score some runs tonight today
(Chorus)
Don’t waste chances for runs, you’re already
Losing just way too much (I miss you)
Don’t waste chances for runs, you’re already
Losing just way too much (I miss you)
Hopefully, you guys enjoy this because this is what I’m rolling with apparently. Admittedly an odd post the day after a Cardinals win, but they did take 10 innings to score, so I think it is still appropriate timing. Also as you can tell, the “right” lyrics to this fake song are tonight, but there is a day game today. And clearly a baseball parody song, generally speaking, should have tonight both because it’s in the original song and because there are way more night games. Which is why I merely crossed it out to indicate I’m only adjusting the lyrics for today.
